What Is Love & Married

A student asks a teacher, “What is love?” The teacher said, “in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.”

The student went to the field, go through first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders….maybe there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one… But maybe there is an even bigger one waiting for him.

Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted. So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand. The teacher told him, “…this is love…  You keep looking for a better one, but when later…

“What is marriage then?” the student asked. The teacher said, “in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.”

The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, “This time you bring back a corn…. You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get…. This is marriage.

(Dedicated to someone who ever fill my heart…)

RENUNGAN TENTANG CINTA – ARTI MEMILIKI

Pacaran itu suatu hal yang mengesankan dan harus dipertahankan jika memang udah sepadan. Seperti kata-kata berikut, Cinta tak pernah akan begitu indah, jika tanpa persahabatan…..yang satu selalu menjadi penyebab yang lain dan prosesnya…adalah irreversible……

Seorang pecinta yang terbaik adalah sahabat yang terhebat. Jika kamu mencintai seseorang, jangan berharap bahwa seseorang itu akan mencintai kamu persis sebaliknya dalam kapasitas yang sama.

Satu diantara kalian akan memberikan lebih, yang lain akan dirasa kurang……….. Begitu juga dalam kasus, kamu yang mencari, dan yang lain akan menanti……

Jangan pernah takut untuk jatuh cinta…. mungkin akan begitu menyakitkan, dan mungkin akan menyebabkan kamu sakit dan menderita….. Tapi jika kamu tidak mengikuti kata hati, pada akhirnya kamu akan menangis…….jauh lebih pedih… karena saat itu kamu menyadari bahwa kamu, tidak pernah memberi….cinta dan kesempatan untuk belajar.

Cinta bukan sekedar perasaan, tapi sebuah komitmen…. Perasaan bisa datang dan pergi begitu saja……

Cinta tak harus berakhir bahagia….. karena cinta tidak harus berakhir….. Cinta sejati mendengar apa yang tidak dikatakan…. dan mengerti apa yang tidak dijelaskan, sebab cinta tidak datang dari bibir dan lidah atau pikiran……… melainkan dari HATI yang terdalam.

Ketika kamu mencintai, kamu tidak mengharapkan apapun sebagai imbalan, Karena jika  demikian, kamu bukan mencintai, melainkan…..investasi.

Jika kamu mencintai, kamu harus siap untuk menerima penderitaan. Karena jika kamu mengharap kebahagiaan,kamu bukan mencintai….melainkan memanfaatkan.

Lebih baik kehilangan harga diri dan egomu bersama seseorang yang kamu cintai dari pada kehilangan seseorang yang kamu cintai, karena  egomu yang tak berguna itu……..

Bagaimana kamu akan berkata ” SELAMAT TINGGAL “…. kepada seseorang yang tidak pernah kamu miliki????????!!!!!!!  Kenapa tetes air mata jatuh demi seseorang yang tidak pernah menjadi kepunyaanmu ?????

Sangat sulit bagi dua orang yang mencintai satu sama lain ketika mereka tinggal dalam dua dunia yang berbeda……….

Tapi ketika kedua dunia ini melebur dan menjadi satu, itulah yang disebut KEAJAIBAN !!!!!

Jangan mencintai seseorang seperti bunga,karena bunga mati kala musim berganti, Cintailah mereka seperti sungai, sebab Sungai mengalir selamanya……..

Cinta mungkin akan meninggalkan hatimu bagaikan kepingan-kepingan kaca, tapi tancapkan dalam pikiranmu, bahwa Ada seseorang yang akan bersedia untuk menambal lukamu dengan mengumpulkan kembali pecahan2 kaca itu…..

Sehingga kamu akan menjadi utuh kembali……

IF LOVE COULD THINK USING YOUR MIND 2GUIDE YOUR HEART

Today was read article in woman magazine this article say it’s not easy to see positive thing from our BF / GF when they annoying. Even if they’re a great person, really uncomfortable / pleasant if there’s they behavior make you annoyed. They said, believe it or not, they annoying behaviors actually could change become quality which make you more care & love him. How? Use smart strategy. Let’s do & prove their theory.

I remember, things that you feel bad from them in fact have positive things. Knowing positive part from your BF / GF bad part make you feel happier with them. And it can make your relationship healthier. Also, once you can handle / surpass his annoying action, would be easier for you to do the same for the next.

Ok let’s prove it & let’s see what happen next. (This is just example, you can fill in with your own BF’s / GF’s  annoyed behavior)

1. They Annoyed Behavior : He can’t express his feelings

Positive Part : He’s more logic and calm. I have place to express my emotion!

Use / Advantage : He’s response / opinion not from emotional reaction. This is making we have good / healthy discussion.

2. They Annoyed Behavior : Sometime i lost contact with him.         

Positive Part : He is not possessive person, fully trust me. I can focus to do my activity or others.

Use / Advantage : I have more own time for my self, I could learn to control my longing to him, being wiser.

3. They Annoyed Behavior : He just carefulness / attentiveness only when just both of us. I feel he didn’t care about me when i’m not with me when I’m not with him or sometime in front of his friends.

Positive Part : I could teach him how to pleasing woman not just in bed but in feeling too.                                                                                                                                                

Use / Advantage : We could learn to complete / fill up each other.

4. They Annoyed Behavior : He is super relax, too much, always last minute. Just spending, time mostly for DVD and sleeping at home.

Positive Part : He’s family guy, trusted, and very enjoyed the time when he with me.

Use / Advantage : Because of his strong character he will always beside me when I need

That’s the way he is.  Love quote: if you want to make his annoying behavior better, try to always talk about his positive / good part not his weakness / bad part.

Chatting Picu Perselingkuhan?

Hadirnya internet ternyata tidak hanya memudahkan orang mencari informasi penting untuk pekerjaannya. Tetapi akses internet juga bisa dimanfaatkan dengan adanya fasilitas chatting untuk memperoleh hiburan lain dari lawan jenis yang bukan pasangannya.

Internet sepertinya akan menjadi salah satu bentuk umum ketidak setiaan, atau bahkan sudah. Sebelumnya tidak pernah seorang lelaki atau perempuan yang sudah menikah/punya pacar menemukan kencan atau teman selingkuh semudah ini.

Getaran Seksual.

Chat room ataupun situs pertemanan seperti Facebook, WAYN, Tagged, dll sekarang telah menjadi salah satu penyebab tercepat retaknya hubungan suami-istri/ pasangan pacar. Masalah itu bisa menjadi lebih parah seiring dengan makin banyaknya orang yang online dan gemar chatting.

Dalam penelitian yang pernah saya dan temen2 lakukan diketahui ada beberapa lelaki dan perempuan yang menggunakan chat room/situs pertemanan sebagai tempat mencari teman. Ia mendapatkan bahwa kebanyakan orang yang chatting dengan partner yang sama lama-lama akan jatuh cinta padanya.

Rasa jatuh cinta itu tidak seperti jatuh cinta pada pasangannya, tapi ada sisi-sisi erotis bahwa mereka tidak saling tahu dan tidak ada rasa harus bertanggungjawab. Hal ini berarti bahwa banyak orang yang jatuh cinta karena bebasnya hubungan tersebut.

Saat berbicara di dunia maya, setiap orang bebas membicarakan apa saja tanpa harus dibebani rasa malu. Kebebasan tersebut tercipta karena mereka tidak harus bertemu secara langsung pada awal perkenalan mereka.

Penyebab utama saat seseorang mulai memasuki dunia maya adalah rasa jenuh. Karena pasangan yang tidak lagi bergairah secara seksual, pasangan tidak menarik, muncul keinginan untuk mencoba sesuatu yang berbeda atau hanya sekedar main-main.

Alasan utama yang diutarakan para lelaki adalah tidak harmonisnya kehidupan seksual dalam perkawinan mereka. Banyak diantaranya mengatakan bahwa istri mereka terlalu disibukkan dengan urusan anak-anak sehingga tidak lagi tertarik untuk melakukan hubungan seksual.

Dari Virtual Menjadi Kenyataan.

Berdasar penelitian tersebut, ternyata chatting pertemanan seringkali menjadi hubungan yang lebih serius. Hampir sepertiga dari responden mengaku pernah menemui teman kencannya. Di antara mereka yang melakukan pertemuan tersebut, hampir seluruhnya berakhir dengan perselingkuhan sungguhan.

Dengan kondisi tersebut, tidak heran bila aktivitas seksual online merupakan penyebab utama dalam masalah perkawinan di masa mendatang. Banyak masalah yang berawal dari kegenitan online, dan berakhir pada perceraian. Jadi berhati-hatilah! Jika anda ingin tetap mempertahankan hubungan rumahtangga/ pacar anda, sebaiknya hentikan berkunjung ke dunia maya ini. Kecuali bila memang anda benar-benar punya komitmen.

By  dr. Herry A. Purwanto

What Women Want From Men

Today’s women have achieved more than their great grandmothers could have ever imagined. Women are in politics, women are in space; women are excelling in every career imaginable. Women today are strong, independent and sexually liberated; Gloria Steinem would be proud.

Despite the females social evolution, however, you may be surprised to learn that women actually still enjoy being treated like women, and they still appreciate a little chivalry now and then. Cliche as some of these tips sound, they will score you big points with any lady who enjoys being treated well.

The following is a list of what women want from men.

What women want…

Return her messages

Many women gauge a man’s interest level by how long it takes him to respond when she contacts him. If his response time is poor, she might assume he’s just not that into her. Now, it’s no secret that women and men have differing opinions on what constitutes good communication, and we’re not saying you need to drop everything the minute she calls. She knows you’re a busy man; she’s busy too. What women want from men is a call back as soon as they’re able, as opposed to sometime the following day. This doesn’t mean you have to send an e-mail or a text of epic proportions if you don’t have time; a sentence or two will suffice to make her feel like you care — which is all she really wants to know.

Kiss her for no reason

As much as they love sex, women also enjoy a nice, deep kiss that doesn’t have any strings attached. This serves two purposes: It lets her indulge in kissing for the sheer pleasure of it, and it also tells her you want her, and not just sex. Yes, you’re charming and sexy and she loves being naughty for you, but sometimes she needs a different type of connection. To really do what women want from men, try a surprise kiss for no reason at all; she’ll love you for it. Combine this with a little hand-holding and she’ll be smiling for days.

Dance with her

Simply put, dancing with a woman makes her feel special. Unfortunately, most men are reluctant to put their dancing shoes on, especially in a public setting. Guess what? While she’d probably welcome the idea, you don’t need to visit a nightclub to dance with your woman. She’ll be just as thrilled if you slipped a little Marvin Gaye on and danced with her in the living room. This would actually be to your advantage, as you have total control over the music. You’re also conveniently located if the dancing starts to get dirty…

Dress up for her

Dressing up to take your woman out is an excellent way to impress her. It’s not about the clothes; it’s about the fact that you find her worth dressing up for. It lets her know that you think she’s worth that kind of effort. Besides, a nice shirt and dress pants can increase your sex appeal by leaps and bounds; you may feel overdressed, but your hotness factor will have magnified exponentially. It’s true what they say: Women really do love a sharp-dressed man.

Remember random milestones

As a rule, birthdays and anniversaries should always be remembered; forgetting something of this magnitude will send the message that you don’t find her terribly important. After all, she probably memorized yours early on in the relationship, so if hers goes unnoticed, she’ll be utterly heartbroken. Here’s how to do what women want from men: To truly impress her, aim to remember the insignificant dates, as well as the big ones. The first time you told her you loved her, the first time you kissed, the first place you vacationed together, what she was wearing the first time you met — any one of these will turn her to jelly and score you more bonus points than you can shake a stick at.

Take on an activity with her

What women want from men is to spend time with their man outside of the bedroom. They want to experience life with their man, and this is one of the best ways to develop a three-dimensional relationship. Don’t worry; we’re not recommending you join her yoga class; rock-climbing, hiking, tennis or cycling are activities both of you can enjoy. If neither of you are the sporty type, try something else that you already excel at. Teach her how to swing a 9-iron or to shoot pool — she’ll love the personalized attention.

Propose a visit to her family

Women love it when a man gets along with her friends, but she simply adores it when he gets along with her family. Even if you’re not particularly fond of her busybody mother and father, suggesting a visit (even just a yearly one) can really make your woman’s day. It lets her know you recognize the importance of family. This is truly the kind of suggestion that leads to a warm and fuzzy feeling, so don’t be afraid to suggest it.

It’s the little things…

When it comes to what women want from men, the little things really do matter. The items on this list aren’t particularly difficult or time-consuming, but they are, unfortunately, very often overlooked by men. This often leads a woman to feel neglected, which in turn nagging to nagging and other problems. Make her feel special, and she’ll go to the ends of the earth for you; try one of these suggestions, and she’ll feel like you’ve already gone there and back for her.

What Women Really Mean…

I hope you’re sitting down… because what I’m about to share with you will change how you view women and dating. I’m about to take you “behind the scenes” in the female mind. I’m going to give you a perspective that most men never see or realize.

Unfortunately for most guys, not seeing things the way I’m about to share with you keeps them trapped in their own little world of failure. If you pay careful attention to the things I’m about to reveal to you, you’ll definitely have more success with women.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WORDS AND THE REAL WORLD…

Have you ever heard a woman say something like:
“I want a guy who is sensitive.”
“I want a guy who’s in touch with his feelings.”
“I want a guy who’s a good communicator.”
“I want a guy who is strong.”
“I want a guy who is sexy.”
…?

Of course you have. Women say this stuff all the time. One of my favourites is:
“I want a REAL MAN.” I love that one.

In the past, when I’d hear women say “I want a REAL MAN” I had NO IDEA what the hell they were talking about. It almost didn’t make sense. But keep in mind; even though these things don’t always make sense to us guys, they make PERFECT sense to women. Here’s the problem…

When a woman says one of these things, she actually MEANS something that is different from what a guy would mean if he said the same words.

Let me explain.
If a guy says “I’m going to stay home and relax today”, he probably means that he’s going to stay home, watch some sports, drink a beer, look at pictures of women on the internet, and order a pizza.

If a WOMAN says that she’s going to stay home and relax, she’s probably NOT going to watch some sports, drink a beer, look at pictures of women on the internet, and order a pizza.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are reading this right now and you are a woman who watches sports, drinks beer, looks at pictures of the women on the internet, and orders pizza to relax, then contact me immediately at the email address below. And send pictures. Back to what I was saying…

Women are DIFFERENT from men. And the words they use often don’t mean what they SOUND like they mean. So the FIRST thing that you have to get through your head is that just because a woman SAYS something to you doesn’t mean that it means what you THINK it means. Catch my meaning?

THE BIG SECRET SHE ISN’T TELLING YOU

There’s a little secret that women never happen to mention when they’re describing what they want in a man. Unfortunately for all of us good guys who are trying to be what women want… and hoping that if we try hard enough to please women that they’ll like us… this little secret is causing us a LOT of trouble. The SECRET is that women ONLY want the things that they’re asking for from a guy who already has about 100 other qualities that they never mention.

In other words, if a woman says “I want a man who is a good communicator”, what she REALLY means is: “I want a guy who already has his life together, is interesting, unpredictable, dominant, funny, healthy, charismatic, confident, and loyal… who is ALSO a good communicator.” The REALITY is that when a woman says one of these “I want a guy who” statements, she actually has an IDEAL guy in mind, who ALSO happens to be a good communicator.

She’s NOT imagining Homer Simpson sitting on his couch reading a book on communication. The reality of this situation is that what women REALLY want is a man who makes them feel the emotional and physical response that I like to call ATTRACTION. They want a man who makes them FEEL IT. But most women either can’t describe the things that actually make her feel ATTRACTION, or they don’t WANT to have to describe them, because they want a man who already IS those things… without having to learn them.

Think about it.

If you were hiring a bodyguard, would you want one that said “Yea, I can be a bodyguard. Just give me some time to learn…” or would you want one that already KNEW how to kick ass anytime, anywhere without having to learn?

Duh.

Well same goes with women. They don’t WANT a guy that they have to train. If you don’t already have the UNIVERSAL FOUNDATION of what attracts women, then no amount of changing and improving things like your communication and sensitivity is going to help you.

WHAT IS A REAL MAN?

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of a “Real Man”. You hear both women and men using the term. But what does it actually MEAN? And is it important?

Well, after thinking about this particular topic for a long time, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is a VERY important topic. At this point, I believe that a REAL MAN is this “ideal” that women imagine when they’re saying “I want a guy who is sensitive”. They’re thinking of the REAL MAN, and then they’re imagining him ALSO being sensitive. There are a lot of aspects to this REAL MAN. Here are a few that are important:

-Status
-Lack of Insecurities
-Standards
-Experience
-Humor
-Unpredictability
-Leadership
-Challenge
…and the list goes on.

It’s actually not easy to describe a REAL MAN in a few sentences… but I’ll tell you what… a woman can recognize one INSTANTLY.

THE MISTAKE MEN MAKE

Now, a common mistake that men make is taking something that a woman SAYS that she wants, and doing it TOO MUCH, thinking that if “A little bit is good, then more must be better”. For instance, a woman SAYS that she likes guys who are “thoughtful”. So you go out and buy her a bunch of gifts, and give her cute cards every time you see her, and call her all the time to tell her that you miss her.

What happens? She leaves you for her jerk ex-boyfriend.

Huh?

This would be kind of like a woman saying “My favorite food is chocolate” and then you thinking it would be good to feed her chocolate for every meal just because it’s her favorite… or adding chocolate to every single dish you make for her from now on… and forgetting that 97% of what she eats still needs to be OTHER FOODS.

Let me land the plane for you.

Women don’t MEAN what you THINK they mean when they talk about what they want in a man. And if you take the things women say too literally, you’re going to wind up shooting yourself in the foot.

WHAT WOMEN REALLY MEAN…

So let me “decode” what women “really” mean when they say common things. Consider this your own personal “female language translator”. Refer to it often.

WHEN A WOMAN SAYS…
“I want a guy who is sensitive.”

WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS IS…
“I want a guy who is busy doing his own thing in life, who has goals and objectives… who has passion for things. If we’re out together, he always keeps me on my toes, and I’m always wondering what’s going to happen next. He’s challenging, interesting, and funny. I would really like it if he was also sensitive enough to know when I need a hug, or to be held, or when I want him to make love to me.” Does this make sense?

Again, she’s not imagining a picture of a boring, predictable, Wussy who is sharing his hurt feelings because he’s so “sensitive”. Big difference.

WHEN A WOMAN SAYS…
“I want a guy who is in touch with his feelings.”

WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS IS…
“I want a guy who is strong-willed, and who doesn’t get upset about petty things… a guy who can deal with the fact that I freak out emotionally sometimes… and who knows how to be cool when things are tough. But I also want him to be in touch with his feelings so that:
1) He doesn’t repress his emotions and then eventually kill 10 people in his workplace, and
2) When he’s intimate with me, and he feels a passionate rush… he’ll grab me and make love to me like a beast!”

What she’s NOT doing is making a picture of a meek, afraid guy who calls all the time to ask “Do you like me? Because I sure like you”.

WHEN A WOMAN SAYS:
“I want a guy who’s a good communicator.”

WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS IS…
“I want a guy who doesn’t talk all the time, because he knows how to let me know what’s on his mind without using words. I want the kind of guy that can touch me in a certain way and I feel tingles all over my body. And I want the kind of guy that can say things in a way that I understand… not crudely and man-like.”

WHAT ABOUT “SEXY”?

You’ll often hear women saying that they want a “Sexy Man”. Now, I USED to think that they meant that they wanted a PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE man when they said this. Sometimes this is exactly what they mean when they use the term “sexy”. But I’ve found that, most of the time, women mean something TOTALLY different when they use the term “sexy”.

You see, a woman generally bases more of her life around what she FEELS than a man does. And the concept of “sexy” is usually used to describe the way a man makes a woman FEEL than it is used to describe how HE LOOKS. Think about women’s romance novels for a moment. Women’s romance novels account for about a fifth of ALL BOOKS SOLD.

What do these books contain?
WORDS. Words that DESCRIBE things. Descriptions that make women FEEL things. My point: If you want to learn how to be a “sexy man”, then the way you LOOK isn’t the most IMPORTANT thing.

I’ll tell you something, too. Learning the secrets of being a “sexy man” can be a very rewarding experience. A lot of guys out there, including me, know EXACTLY what it’s like to be either on a date with, or in a relationship with a woman who has NO INTENTION of being with you “physically”. In other words, she’s just not feeling that powerful “sexual” ATTRACTION for you. And you don’t know how to MAKE her feel it. Well, let me tell you…

Just like all the other things that a woman “says” that she wants in a man… that most men don’t ever “get”, being SEXY is one of the BIG ONES. If you understand the secrets of being SEXY, you will notice that women start to behave VERY differently around you.

What Women Look For

Women’s magazines slip us the kind of information that we wouldn’t find elsewhere; they reveal a female perspective that most men just aren’t privy to. How they read into our behaviour, how they perceive our actions, what their true expectations are… there’s plenty to be learned from a glimpse into the other side.

I will be providing you with just this kind of gender intelligence — without the embarrassment that comes with retrieving it from your girlfriend’s magazine rack. I’ll be publishing a series of features from iVillage.com; articles originally written by women for women, but with insight that’s invaluable to men. Of course, in exchange, I had to offer up some intelligence of our own… all the more reason for you to get on the inside track as soon as you can.

Good guys

Many women believe that all the good guys are taken, but you know that’s simply not true. iVillage.com is telling women exactly how to spot a great guy, so you best read on to see what qualities she’s looking for in her dream man.

Finding Mr. Right

We all want to find a great guy. But let’s face it: How many of your exes seemed fantastic at first, only for you to find out that they were Mr. Wrongs? Well, no more bad boys, mama’s boys or anything of the sort! Dr. Bethany Marshall shares her shopping list for a healthy man in this excerpt from her book, Deal Breakers.

When you first meet a man, whether it’s online, at the grocery store, at a bar, at school or at your job, you should feel that he wants you.

It may be conveyed by a look, a touch, a compliment, curiosity or attention to detail. And it must, within a short amount of time, be conveyed in person — not online, through a text message or on the phone. And definitely, it should be backed up by his willingness to make a plan and move the relationship forward. If he’s not interested enough to call in advance and make a plan, he’s not interested enough to invest his emotions in a relationship. Conversely, constant calling, e-mailing and text-messaging is not true contact. He cannot touch you, see you, adore you or get to know you through words on a screen or over the phone.

Soon after meeting him, you should discover that he has appropriately achieved in at least one area of his life.

For instance, if he went to college he now has a good job. Or a decent car. If he inherited his parents’ business, he has learned how to successfully manage it. Or if he is a member of a baseball team, he has learned to become a team player. His efforts continue to generate new opportunities, new skills, new challenges, or new possessions. Thus, he is progressing and not degenerating.

If he’s a healthy man, he will never make plans for the future that he does not intend to back up.

And he will certainly not say, “I’m not sure where this relationship is going,” and then continue to call you and have sex with you. He will not send messages that are confusing and difficult to decipher. A healthy man says what he means and means what he says. And the words that he speaks are backed up by action that coincides. Even if he cannot give a guarantee, the relationship is always moving forward. Thus, you will never find yourself drunk-dialing at two in the morning because you fear that he is out with another girl. Or find yourself in a situation where he claims to want to get married , but you are the only one who is planning the wedding and paying for the caterer.

If you are in the right relationship, it will feel reciprocal and mutual.

When you offer emotional support, is he appreciative? Does he give back by surprising you with a special little something? Or remembering your favourite drink? Do you feel that what he gives is as valuable and meaningful as what you offer? For instance, if you set aside a Saturday night, will he make an entertainment plan that is enjoyable for both of you? If your car breaks down, will he come and get you? If you have a problem, will he help you? Is he as devoted to you as you are to him? Healthy relationships are based upon mutual give-and-take. And what is given and received should feel of equal value. If the only thing that you are getting out of this relationship is text messages or e-mails, occasional plans or the assurance that you won’t be alone on a Saturday night, you are not getting what you need.

If he’s the right guy for you, he will have good friends and you will like who he is when he’s with them.

Whether he’s at the bar, at a tailgate party or running for political office, you are confident that he is the man you know and love, both with you or apart from you. When he’s out of sight, he does not turn into somebody else. For instance, a player. Or a jerk. Conversely, when you include him with your friends, you know who he will be: charming and engaging, enhancing instead of detracting.

If he’s a healthy man, he will like you for who you are.

Even if you have a bad day or say something that he does not like, his adoration will remain steady and his view of you will remain the same. Beware of the guy whose perception changes whenever you deviate from his expectations. For instance, you dress a certain way and he refuses to hold you or compliment you. Or you gain weight and he stops having sex with you. Does he take pleasure in you, whether you look sexy in your low-rider jeans or have just gotten out of bed? Does he spend time with your family because he knows that you are a part of them? Is he interested in your spirituality? Or do you feel that you must suppress your personality in order to hold on to his approval? Even when it comes to your sexual preferences, you should feel free to reveal yourself without fear of losing his affection.

A healthy man will never view you as unconditionally bad or make you feel terrible about yourself.

Even in the midst of an argument, he will be able to see both the good and the bad in you. For instance, he will not stay mad at you once the argument is over. And he will move on instead of clinging to bad feelings or suspicions. He loves you and sees you as a good person, no matter what. And he would never refuse to call, refuse to be nice, or walk out the door without quickly returning simply because you shared your concerns with him.

A healthy man has a learning curve.

For instance, if you tell him that you need more time together or need him to stop doing something that is obnoxious, he will shift his behavior because he loves you and does not want to lose you. He is willing to learn from his mistakes and modify his actions. For instance, if he begins a friendship with a flirtatious girl and you let him know that this is creating a problem, he will be concerned about your feelings and come up with a solution. When you discuss relationship obstacles, he works on them. He would never admit to a substance abuse problem and then refuse to address it. Or agree to appropriately separate from his mother (who dislikes you), but then go running back to the nest.

If he is healthy, he will seek his own solutions.

For instance, if he has a problem, he will reach out to others for help, find resources, have a conversation, go to therapy, attend a 12-step program — anything that will move him closer to making the changes that he needs to make. (You could do worse than give him this book. No, wait — make him buy his own damn copy!) Petty pride, laziness or stubbornness will not keep him from taking the steps that he needs to take to have a full relationship with you.

A healthy man will not try to have power over you.

He won’t leave you wondering where he is and what he is doing. Or leave you hanging just to prove a point. Or make you feel that you have to disappear for a few days to recover the power you once had. Even if he has more money, status and power, he will not make you feel that you would be nothing without him. A healthy man is willing to take you into account instead of pushing you away. He is willing to listen, meet your needs, and include you in mutual decision-making. Because you matter, he does not want to have undue influence or control over you. And he can trust that he is loved, even when he is not in charge. When it comes to who takes care of whom, and who makes the decisions, and who gets the last say, he is willing to negotiate (because, really, all of life is a little like Let’s Make a Deal).

Budget Her Beauty Spending

If your girlfriend were to indulge in all the beauty rituals recommended to remain attractive and youthful, she would spend more than $11,900 a year. That’s enough for a deposit on a new house or a holiday.

Why would anyone spend so much? Well, ask yourself: Would you be happy if your girlfriend’s or wife’s legs had more forestation than the Amazon? What about if she sported a bigger mustache than your uncle or had skin like a sun-dried tomato? If your partner resembled Cousin It, you’d be leering at all the hotter, skinnier, blonder women within a five-mile radius. This explains why beauty regimes are an important part of a woman’s existence and should be accounted for when budgeting.

However, when you’re trying to budget her beauty spending, you must be able to differentiate between what is outrageously overpriced and what’s an acceptable amount to set aside each month.

Here’s how you can budget her beauty spending so that she continues to look beautiful and you still have money in the bank.

Skin care

Young-looking, radiant, bronzed skin looks healthier than skin that resembles an unloved leather sandal. When you budget her beauty spending, keep in mind that she needs a suntan and a daily skin-care regime that includes a quality cleanser, a toner and a hydrating moisturizer. And, once a week, she may need a clay mask to nourish her skin.

How much she could spend:

The caviar of moisturizers is La Mer – The Essence. It’s touted as a miracle cream that virtually erases lines, and a 21-day supply of this stuff is $2,100. Other trendy products include:

• Lancome Bright Expert Toner — $38
• Suki Balancing Toner — $29.99
• Clay Essentials Face and Body — $119
• Airbrush tanning — $60 per application (Lasts for 7 days, although by using a good moisturizer and avoiding water activities, the tan can last about 10 days.)

How much she should spend:

• Dove Sensitive Daily Lotion– $10
• Kiss My Face Organics Balancing Act Facial Toner — $14.99
• Boscia Clarifying Detox Mask with jojoba leaves — $25
• St. Ives Firming Clay Mask — $5.95
• Tanning lotions range in price from $19-$55

Hair care

For silky, smooth, hair that doesn’t resemble an old straw broom, regular hair cuts, protein treatments and quality shampoos and conditioners are musts that need to be considered when you budget her beauty spending. It’s also crucial to have styling products — hairspray, gel, wax, straightening serum, no-frizz serum, mousse, and heat protection.

How much she could spend:

• Cut, style, color, and dry — $150-$185 (or more if she were to hunt down a hairdresser to the stars)
• Cut and dry — $45-$55 (every four weeks)
• Protein treatments — $10-$15
• Salon visits for updos or having hair straightened — $50
• Salon color-stay shampoos and conditioners — $15-$25
• Styling products — $15-25 per product.

How much she should spend:

A hairdressing training school will drastically reduce the cost, as cut, colors and styles are performed by trainees under constant supervision from their teachers. Investing in a good quality straightener and learning how to do updos will mean your girlfriend can do her own hair. The cheap supermarket brands seem like a better buy for shampoos and conditioners.

Cosmetics

Many men will say they don’t like too much makeup on women, but even the natural look takes some face paint (and money) to achieve. What does it take to looks “natural”? At the very least, she will need a quality foundation, concealer, bronzer, and lipstick.

How much she could spend:

• H Couture Diamond-Studded Lipstick — $150 (comes in a bejeweled case)
• H Couture Mascara — $589
• Designer lipsticks — About $40

How much she should spend:

• bareMinerals Starter Kit — $60 (for $204 worth of makeup)

Nail care

Trust me, you’ll never want to hold her hand if her nails are ugly. And because uncared for nails can split, break and become brittle, you’ll need to incorporate the cost of getting manicures and pedicures and buying nail-care products and polish into her beauty budget.

How much she could spend:

Experts recommend manicure and pedicure treatments every six weeks $35, unless she were to visit the UK where Leighton Denny, nail technician to the stars, could give her a nail bath, polish and 9 carats of inlaid gems for $32,000.

How much she should spend:

Nail care can be easily done at home. She just needs to brush up on her techniques; all she needs are nail clippers, a nail file, a cuticle pusher, moisturizer, a bowl of warm soapy water, and clear nail polish. She’ll be saving $35 every six weeks. And you can throw in a complementary foot and hand massage; she’ll definitely love getting this attention from you instead of her manicurist.

The price of beauty

Being a woman isn’t easy — especially when it comes to maintaining her appearance. You might think she’s a natural beauty and doesn’t need to spend a lot on potions and powders, but trust us: even natural beauty takes a bit of work. So, before you lecture her on her spending habits, consider how nice her hair smells when she gets it coiffed and leave enough room in the budget for her beauty routines.

Top 10: Effective Pickup Lines

Using pickup lines to get close to a woman is something I don’t advocate. That’s because pickup lines generally imply that you lack the intelligence or charm to sweep a woman off her feet or, at the very least, get her to notice you. They also have a tendency to seem inherently cheesy and antiquated to all women — this includes power-suit women and pole dancers. I would much rather encourage you to use your creativity and wit to charm the pants off of women than to drop one-liners with intentions of making her melt right into your bed.

For the sake of this article, I won’t dismiss the value of pickup lines entirely; however, I will focus on introductory ice-breakers instead of cheesy lines. Guaranteeing the success of these types of pickup lines is not our purpose; I simply want to provide you with the motivation it takes to approach an attractive woman. Using effective pickup lines can prove successful, as they allow for further conversation, ease the tension and may put a smile on her face.

In general, pickup lines can be used anywhere and in any setting, which works well in environments that may feel intimidating. In the event you are the type of man who finds initiating conversation challenging, using effective pickup lines may be your only option. After all, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Here are 10 effective pickup lines for you to test the next time you’re on the prowl.

Number 10

“Excuse me, is this seat taken?”

Innocent, charming and polite. It is not always safe to assume that a woman sitting next to an empty chair is alone. Your consideration of the fact that she may be saving a seat for someone shows that you have class. What makes this an effective pickup line is the fact that its unobtrusive and gives her the opportunity to invite you to join her if she is alone.

Number 9

“Would you like to dance?”

Hopefully you have enough rhythm in your pants to actually dance. If you impress her with your skills, you might just find yourself at the bar talking about music, the DJ or even the venue. This is among the most effective pickup lines because women like to dance, and if you shuffle your feet right, you might end up doing a tongue tango or the horizontal shuffle.

Number 8

“Can I interest you in a glass of…?”

Insert the type of beverage for which the occasion calls. In most cases, we are speaking of an event or gathering that calls for a glass of wine or a pina colada, and if you’re in college, a beer. If it’s a toned-down occasion, you might offer a soda or lemonade. No matter where you are, this is one of our favorite pickup lines because it affords us the opportunity to display our skills as a connoisseur without being overt about it.

Number 7

“Do you come here often? I could use your opinion about something…”

Before that gulp of beer comes out your nose, hold on. We know that this one sounds like a cheesy pickup line, but you can make it work for you. If you are having a hard time choosing a dish, a beverage or even an article of clothing that best suits you, this is the time to solicit the help of a woman who may happen to frequent the place in question. If you utilize her choice and opinion as a topic of conversation, you’ll see that this is among the most effective pickup lines on the planet.

Number 6

“Excuse me; can you help me with…?”

Here’s where you can come up with a light task for her to help you with, such as winning a bet among friends, naming a song that is playing or even ordering a drink. This will make her feel as though you are interested in her and appreciative of her feedback, opinion or selection. Requesting her assistance gives her a non-verbal indication that you’re impressed with her appearance and ultimately states that her answer is valued.

Number 5

“Don’t you find this place…?”

Insert a word that best describes how you feel about the venue, such as classy, cool, chic, or off the hook. Hopefully, she will share the same opinion, which will ultimately lead to further conversation about the ambiance, the decor and places you have encountered that have similar attributes. Don’t, however, complain; doing so will dampen her mood and turn her off faster than an Eddie Murphy movie.

Number 4

“You look like you might be interested in some great conversation.”

If you say this with the right tone and with enough attitude, it’ll put a smile on her face. While this effective pickup line helps you break the ice, it also spontaneously creates a topic to discuss. This could be anything from food to wine or from a current event to the venue. Be sure that you’re as willing to listen as you are to talk, and remember to keep it light and great, which is exactly what you offered.

Number 3

“Would you like an escort to your…”

When you notice a woman walking alone — perhaps to her table, an elevator or even the bar — it is always a nice gesture to politely offer her a sense of security. At the same time, it is highly likely that she won’t be walking very far, so exhibiting your charm will be essential to your attempt to break the ice once you’ve delivered your effective pickup line.

Number 2

“Wow! I really like that (insert item of clothing or fragrance) you’re wearing.”

Women put great effort into preparing an ensemble that best reflects how they feel and how they want to be perceived by admirers. As such, your compliment tells her that her efforts did not go unnoticed. This small gesture will boost her confidence and earn you all access to front-row conversation. We suggest that you do a little research and arm yourself with tidbits of info relating to women’s fashion so that you will appear sincere while you exercise this highly effective pickup line.

Number 1

“I just thought you should know that you have a really nice…”

Sure, you could say something derogatory, but that would likely get you a slap across the face. But, complimenting features such as her smile, eyes or nose can go a long way in making a woman open up enough to converse with you. Who says flattery gets you nowhere? The key is to make sure that you are genuine about your observation — women can tell when a guy is trying to lay it on thick just to get close.

The Pickup Artist

Just remember: Being cheesy isn’t cute and will get you dismissed faster than she can bat an eyelash. On the other hand, being clever and confident with your delivery can get you to the next level. If flattery remains your point of action, make sure not to lay it on too thick. Compliments should be delicate and poured on lightly to ensure their staying power. The objective is to create a conversation starter that best reveals your interest and your intent.

Tips For Curing Premature Ejaculation

Fixing The Problem

From the point of view of reproduction, early release is not a major problem. Lasting longer in bed serves no known genetic function. It is something that we must learn to do, as opposed to it being innate.

First, one must understand what is happening to his body when he ejaculates. Orgasm consists of two stages. The first begins with the prostate gland, which encircles the urethra like a tiny donut above the base of the penis. This contracts and releases its fluids, along with the contents of the seminal vesicle, into the urethra.

The second phase occurs when the pelvic muscle contracts strongly around the bulb, forcing the fluid out under considerable pressure. Men should be aware that it is possible to ejaculate without having an orgasm and vice versa.

The “stop and start” method involves bringing yourself just before the point of no return and stopping all movement before it is too late. When the urgency to ejaculate subsides, start thrusting again, and repeat several times.

This can also be practiced using your partner’s hand, mouth or even by yourself. It may require some trial and error, as you may pass that point accidentally.

Breathe

Many people are not aware of it, but proper breathing can help develop ejaculatory control. This is because taking a few deep breaths can help you relax and calm the arousal and tension that leads to premature ejaculation. Practice deep, easy, relaxed breathing and relax your entire body.

Communication is another key to long-lasting sex. Let your partner know when you are getting close and what you can and cannot handle. This will involve the use of actual words, since nonverbal cues are easily misunderstood. “Stop,” “Hold it,” “Start,” and “More,” are obvious choices and anything else that’s short and clear is acceptable.

Other causes of premature ejaculation are anxiety, fear or discomfort with your partner. Premature ejaculation is less likely to occur if the couple knows each other well, feels comfortable with one another, and if both partners are consenting, in a comfortable, relaxed and private setting, and after contraception issues have been discussed.

Many men can also last longer the second time around, so perhaps this can be incorporated into your lovemaking. If round one is short, please her with some extended foreplay using your mouth, or with an erotic massage during half-time until your soldier is ready for battle once again.

Use Creams

Desensitizing creams lessen the sensations felt by men during intercourse so that they can last longer. The problem that many men feel is that these creams make intercourse less pleasurable due to the decreased stimulation.

Condoms reduce the amount of stimulation experienced during sex. Many men find that a condom makes them last longer because of the decreased stimulation. As you all know, condoms provide the best protection against STDs and pregnancy, so they have added benefits.

The position of lovemaking may also affect a man’s ability to last in bed. The missionary position is not the best position while attempting to control ejaculation. All men, however, are different and some men find it harder to hold themselves when their partner is in control.

Experiment and vary the positions according to what allows you to control yourself better.

Perform Kegels

Finally, strong, well-developed pelvic muscles will allow you better control and make you more aware of what is happening in your nether regions. Pelvic floor muscles are the ones used to stop and start urination. Hold the muscles for three seconds, relax for three seconds, and repeat 10 times.

You can do this at anytime and in any place. Eventually, you should be able to work your way up to 100 10-second contractions per day.

Make It Last

Premature ejaculation can be easily countered with patience, effort and knowledge. Informing yourself is the first step, and once you know about the problem, you are halfway there. Overcoming the mental and physical aspects of this problems are also much easier if both partners are involved, aware of the situation and open to discuss it.